WATERMELON

A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water and usually splashes water on your backside. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. Also make sure to wipe a wider area.

ASTAIRE

A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

SAFE HAVENS

A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a same-sex pooper entering your bathroom.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER

A colleague who poops at work and is dam proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

WALK OF SHAME

Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. This can be minimized with the use of the […]

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